I want to quit. This is the last word I've said about my job. Then, before I've even realised, I was in the middle of the sea, asking myself: "How did I get myself in this situation?"
6:30. This was when my first alarm set on the phone would go off. After struggling for 30 minutes, I woke up, got dressed and step outside the door for work.
I had a job of research assistant in the best university of our country, getting paid a salary that many people would be jealous of. But, I'm not happy.
Now, before starting comments like: "You need to look at what you have, instead of what you don't have" or "Just be greatful, many people don't even have a job." I get it, it can sometimes be irresponsible for a person to make a decision that like me. But after starting to question myself: "How would I like to be described after I died?", "What do I want people to know me for?", and "Am I doing the thing that really gets me to the point?" I couldn't stop thinking about it.
One time when I was tired but also fulfilled with joy after a long day of learning and hard-working, I'd expected a cozy hot bath and a nice bed waiting for me. Little did I know, the next thing I'd experienced that had struck me like a lightning before I even got to my home is a short text from my boss. "Hey Ian, if you are going to keep wearing the same clothes every day like you did for the recent weeks, I would have to ban you from the office."
I was so upset, as I worked in the lab for 2-3 years. I'd always thought that: I was trusted for not being easily crushed by the work load and the emotional stress that my boss had given to me. I thought my boss was satisfied for my obedient and loyalty.
It turned out I was SO wrong that my boss even thought of me not having a shower in weeks because of the bad mood she THOUGHT I was in. Little did she know, I was in the best mood and ready to execute the large projects my boss has given me in the recent few weeks. The message completely ruined my motivation of everything.
From that time, my condition got worse. I started to feel sick at work. It felt like all the efforts I'd put in my work was worthless.
How did things even get into this position in the first place? Well, I find one of my colleague attractive, but instead of getting a firm "no" after confession, she said nothing and acted like there's something at work that annoyed her. I asked her that if there's anything I could help with and couldn't get any response until oneday she finally replied. Well, turns out that "something" is me. Apparently she didn't feel the same as me, and is so annoyed that she claimed that she wanted to quit because I was herrasing her.
The boss was not a good communicator, and decided to randomly choose a way to ban me from the office which she was also at. Which bothered me so much because all I worn that was repeated was my black sport jacket. My mood was totally screwed after that day and couldn't do anything that makes me feel interested. I suspected that as a semi-long-term depressive state. Moreover, after telling the boss that the message severely impact my mental state and the only clotheings I wor was a jacket, she only replied, "Ha ha."
From that moment, I knew I had to step away from the boss. I don't know when, but the action must be made.
I am so upset at this point that I asked for a break. Yeah. That is the strongest revenge I can do to my boss. Pretty threatening I know.